[Queen_of_the_damned]

Забегаю в Кармелит (Хайфская электричка), спрашиваю охранника, не знает ли он где находится улица Паль-ям.
"Это где?", - осведомляется он.
"В нижнем городе."- обречённо вздыхаю я, понимая, что помощи тут ждать не придётся.
"Ну тогда тебе нужно ехать вниз!",- с готовностью подсказывает он.
Да неужели?

@музыка: Dream Theater - A Rite Of Passage

Comments

[Гость]

We went to the coffee bar near your home. You ordered American waffle. Then we walked. You told me of your family. I told my story. At some moment you started to hurry leaving me behind. Then we took a taxi and returned. I wanted to pay but you did not let. At stairs of your home I observed you. You know how you looked? I have recently been at many work interviews. Usually I start describing myself in general, education, projects etc. Then I get my laptop off the case, start my programs, show how they work, interface, what their purpose, etc. I do it from my heart. Then they (employers) describe what my job will be and finally they say my salary. Most of times when I hear the sum I look as you looked then I think so. Frustrated. "Why the hell I've been dancing here for an hour, explained them all that stuff, tried to impress them? For this pitiful salary?!" I usually don't say in the place that I reject the work. I mumble "Yes, very good good job, I think it's very suitable for me. I'll call you tomorrow". You looked like that. You hurried and tried to run away. And said you'd call. The salary was obviously unsatisfying you
But you're right you could be just tired.

[Queen_of_the_damned]

I remember you

Then you sent me drunk sms' and I was mad cos you woke me up 3 times during that period that I had a sleeping problems.

I'm sorry. What I didn't tell you then that at this time I was leaving the one I love. That's it. When I think about it now, everyone would frustrate me then, no one would be the "right salary" as you say. It was awful period of my life. I don't remember it very well, it was too stressful and depressing so no wonder I didn't remember you. I just tried to move on and survive, so I tried many things, including dating. Sorry, that you had the lack of luck to be the one who was there then.

How did you find me here?

[Гость]

Hi, Vika, how are you?

As you guessed, your birds.

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Hi
Don't be mad - I forgot your name. You can tell it now, right?

[Гость]

It's against my rules to write my name on wilderness of the Internet, especially after such story-telling.... But I'll make an exception for you.
I'm Vova nice to meet again

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Yes, I remember it started from V, but nothing except Vanya didn't come to my mind.
It's amazing how I don't remember anything about you. Barely remember how you look even.

[Гость]

"V for Vendetta" is a movie with Portman. V wore a mask and never opened his face.

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Never saw this movie. I guess, lately, I saw too many movies that no one really watching

Well, I studied all day long, I deserve to go out to my favorite place tonight, I think.

[Гость]

Ya, good bye.

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Why do I have a feeling that you were offended by me leaving yesterday? You shouldn't.

Anyway, I had really nice evening with friends in my favorite pub. We even danced tango there, that was really weird.

What did you do yesterday?

[Queen_of_the_damned]

What's wrong? Now that I know who you are, you prefer to disappear?

[Гость]

"There is a harmony in the bending back as in the case of the bow and the lyre."
Heraclitus

[Queen_of_the_damned]

What is that suppose to mean?

[Гость]

You're too interesting to merely leave you.
First, i'm glad for you that you know how to combine work, study and rest. It's great self-control.
Second, I have a question. What do you love in dancing most of all? For example, knowing how to coordinate your movements; physical activity; interaction with partner; loving to be looked at; etc.

About my yesterday. It's usually approximately as my today. Though, the "yesterday" you asked about was a little different because I was preparing to some exam that went really bad yesterday. I didn't think I was so nervous but after the exam it was clear. I just fell asleep for 12 hours and all my memories of the exam are now very smoky, self-protection I think.

Regarding being offended. I don't know. My thought was something like "Friends? Really, why not?". It was with grief sarcasm, of course. I know, it's childishly stupid.

[Гость]

It means what it says. There is a harmony. When you draw the string of the bow, the arc is deformed as counteraction. The saying is just a parallel that stroke my mind when you said "Now I know you, and you disappeared". The string and the bow in harmony. Well, just fuzzy thinking

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Well, I actually don't know how to combine work, studies and rest. I just have no choice - I got work that I have to do and lectures that I have to go to. The problematic time is in between: when I have to study at home. THEN I find 1000 things to do. I don't use my free time effectively. And I'm paying for it now: 2 days till the exam, lot's of things that are still not in my memory, so I have to study really really hard (which makes the remembering less effective) and hope that I'll pass the exam.

In dancing I like the most when the dance goes smooth. I mean, when it goes right: partner leads me to do something and I'm doing it right. It's the right cooperation, I guess, what I like the most.
When I know that people are looking at me I'm too busy with "how" to do it right, and that's when I'm making most of the mistakes. I noticed that the dance goes the best when I'm not concentrating on "how" to do it, but just doing things automatically. Sometimes on milongas I suddenly noticing that last 5 minutes I was dreaming or thinking about something, while my body was reacting correctly to the leading. That is so amazing, by the way. When I didn't dance for a year and came back actually not remembering anything, I found out that the muscle memory remained: the body was going correctly by itself, without consciousness being involved.
Anyway, 2 days ago when we were dancing in the pub, it was very hard at the beginning - I remembered that people are watching and made few really bad mistakes. Then I just concentrated on the partner's leading and stopped thinking about people around (alcohol makes it really easy to do), so the rest of the dance went perfectly smooth without any mistakes at all.
And, of course, I like that intimate feeling of hugging and interaction with another person. I feel it less with people that I barely know, but if it's someone close, it is sooooo nice!
Hey, listen, you can try it yourself! Today my teacher starts a new group of total beginners. 20:00 at Tveria 15 (the place called Matnas Hadar and its just few meter from the end of Masada street).

12 hours of sleep... wow! I usually sleep for 5-6 and even less (don't have time for more). But today I had 9 and that's sooo good.

[Гость]

Usually I hate to sleep more than 6 hours. It's overly for me, insomnia is guaranteed. The best is when you fall asleep exhausted and then morning, provided you feel renewed, the difference in states is very prominent, i feel euphoric just pondering it. Like now, hehe

Thanks for the offer. I don't think I have enough determination to perform such unsuitable (for me) activity. It's too many people and too close interaction as you've noticed yourself. May be you know some worth place where they teach how to draw?

What are these 1000 things?

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Too bad. Tango really helps people to get out of the shell and to feel more confident about themselves.
About drawing lessons - have no idea.

1000- things may be anything just not to study. Internet, friends, books, eating, washing dishes, shopping for food, parrots. Anything.

[Гость]

I understand.

I like to study because it distracts your attention from other things. But sometimes it starts to be boring. Then I don't know what to do. And under time pressure any study seems to be boring, you just try to slough it as dead skin.

[Queen_of_the_damned]

What are "the other things" you need to distract you attention from?

[Гость]

Washing dishes, shopping for food, parrots, cars, girls, bars, etc.
It's something like that, from an essay on autistic man
“I prefer I move to the apartment,” he would say, reluctantly setting aside the notebook he spent hours filling with tiny, precise replicas of every known animated character.
Education as a ultimate goal, education for education.

[Queen_of_the_damned]

I understood absolutely nothing.

[Гость]

I'm bad story-teller.

You asked "What are the other things?". I answered: "Washing dishes, shopping for food, parrots, cars, girls, bars, etc."

Initially, I said "I study to distract my attention from other things". It's reminds a behavior of an autistic person who performs repetitive actions without final goal. To "prove" this, I cited a sentence from an essay I've recently read on autistic guy "..he spent hours filling with tiny, precise replicas of every known animated character".

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Why would you distract yourself from parrots? And bars? You go to bars?

Education for education. And then what?

[Гость]

Then. Till the end of times, www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cd8ZZUZAhPo

No, I usually don't go to bars. I go to do some sport. Including this very moment Talk later.

[Гость]

Ok, I'm back.
I want to ask you the same question: what "then" is for you? You'll pass all your exams. Then?

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Then I'll find another job in another hospital. And I hope it will be more interesting. You see, I don't study for the sake of studying (although I'm learning exactly the area I wanted the most). Studies and work aren't the main thing in my life. It's just something that suppose to make my life better, more comfortable, less stressful, I guess. I want to enjoy my job, so I'm trying to get the one that will interest me, this way I'll suffer less while getting the money I need for living.

[Гость]

Yes, I see. Very balanced approach. And how do you see yourself in three/five years? What's your goals?

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Sorry, this is a very hard question. For some reason, thinking about it makes me depressed. So let's not talk about it.

[Гость]

Of course. Don't hesitate to tell me if you ever want.

I wanted to thank you for Baraka. It's one of the best movies I've seen. Best ever representation of human ant hive, Zooyork conception shown exceptionally tangible.