[Queen_of_the_damned]

Забегаю в Кармелит (Хайфская электричка), спрашиваю охранника, не знает ли он где находится улица Паль-ям.
"Это где?", - осведомляется он.
"В нижнем городе."- обречённо вздыхаю я, понимая, что помощи тут ждать не придётся.
"Ну тогда тебе нужно ехать вниз!",- с готовностью подсказывает он.
Да неужели?

@музыка: Dream Theater - A Rite Of Passage

Comments

[Гость]

How is your exam?

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Гость, passed, of course, thank you
And how are you these days?

[Гость]

Congrats! You couldn't fail with your "girls"
I'm like you, sometime success sometime less..

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Гость, what was your latest success?

[Гость]

I've cooked a tasty omelet right now

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Гость, well, i guess it is a success. My omelets are not for eating.
And what was your latest failure?

[Гость]

My last failure is my first failure. They are intertwined, commixed and inseparable.

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Гость, you are the luckiest guy i know - most of the mortals have more than one failure in their lives: first, last and many others in between.

[Гость]

I wish.. But I tried to say I didn't count failures. I see them as a continuum not as countable entities

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Гость, it may look like you are considering yourself a looser with failures that never stop.
Well, if i knew who you are, maybe i would be able to say something usable about it. But i only know that you are from Israel and, must admit, really curious who you are.

[Гость]

It stops, it resumes. "There are changes but nothing changes and still there are changes", Enigma, Le Roi Est Mort Vive Le Roi!
Curiosity is your inborn feature?

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Curiosity is normal human feature. Aren't you ever curious about anything?

[Гость]

It's not normal; it's a gift; it's fuel for discovery. I'm curious of many things, especially Nature.

[Queen_of_the_damned]

What kind of nature?
And how do you discover it?

[Гость]

I think we have only one Nature And there is only one reliable method to discover its secrets - the scientific method. Do you agree, don't you?

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Well, there are many kinds of nature, even if they are all parts of one big nature
I mean, you may be interested in your own human nature, or nature as plants and animals or even the kind of Nature that many people call god. For every kind you may have different ways of discovery. You can even use nature to discover nature, if you know what I mean

So tell me more about your scientific methods.

[Гость]

I guess I know what you mean

But nothing to tell about "my" scientific methods. First, they are not mine, second, as a doctor you should know about scientific discovery very well. In a nutshell, scientific method is based on Occam Razor principle, of which I think you have heard

[Queen_of_the_damned]

I'm not a doctor, don't flatter me.
Of course I heard about scientific methods and bluh bluh bluh. I'm asking YOU to tell me what do you believe in and how do you explore it.
So far I can tell that you are an expert of saying things without really telling anything really. Sneaky guy Or a girl, who knows...

[Гость]

I believe in epistemic loneliness. And that it can be shadowed by doing interesting things. Also, I believe that AI will eventually replace humanity. Also, I think that the worst enemy of creativity is perfectionism. Empiricism is probably the best way of understanding reality.

Ya, ya, you're a sister of night, ofcoz

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Well, that was a good answer, finally.
What interesting things are shadowing your loneliness? Writing music, reading books, going to the forest, using drugs, communicating with people, or some other things?
It is funny, by the way, 'cos yesterday I was considering writing a post about loneliness, but decided that I'm not ready yet.

I'm not sure about the empiricism being the best way of understanding reality, but I think it may be the best way to get your own, subjective reality. Which is real for you only. So empiricism is great because you are the center of your own universe, after all.
I don't know... I suspect that I have some problems with perception and understanding the reality in an adequate way. So I'm trying to use rationalism, logic and critical thinking sometimes to be able to differ my own thoughts, feelings and imagination from things that are REALLY happening.

Yep, sister of the night just came back from night shift and going to get some sleep

[Гость]

Hope you have been rejuvenated by the rest

Fully agree on your 2nd paragraph. By empiricism I just meant you should have tried X before saying "I know X".

Can you gave an example when your rational decision took over your feelings?

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Well, rational decisions are happening all the time. From small things like not to shout at my boss, even though I really feel like she deserves that.... or to wake up at the morning near the guy i really like but go to work feeling that I would better spend a great day with him. Or it can be very big dilemmas between rational thinking and feelings, extremely hard decisions to make, like leaving someone I love, because this relationship is very unhealthy, traumatic and leading nowhere.
I bet, you had many decisions like that yourself.

[Гость]

Oh, I never yell at my bosses. Or any one else. Instinctively, I avoid any direct confrontation. Afterward, the account may be brought to the table. Thus, in my case it's not rational, it's natural

So, the love was unshared that caused you to split up from your guy? You said "leading nowhere", but to what destination it had to go?

[Queen_of_the_damned]

I think it's very rational of you to not yell at your boss "so the account will not be brought to the table". It is very very rational.

A relationship should go to the destination of joy and happiness of two people growing up together, not total destruction and humiliation.

[Гость]

I see you've been through hard times. What was wrong in the relationship? What didn't answer your expectations?

[Queen_of_the_damned]

You see, now it will be an example of the rational thinking, look:
There's a possibility that you know me in real life. Who will I tell the most painful personal information to? Even though I really like those parts of you that I'm able to see here: you look like "on same wave with me" person. Probably would be nice to hang out with you.

Nah, I just don't want to talk about it right now, to be honest. So many thinking and conclusions were made about this relationship. I'm moving on... while listening to this www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVAuQDF2yes

[Гость]

Sorry for entering restricted area.
But may you explain to me why you disclose personal information here at all? Do you qualify it as not important?

Thanks for appreciation. I like you, too. Really

Porcupine's guitar is amazing.
It's my domain, fairy tales
www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8EERCw2Im0

[Queen_of_the_damned]

And I thought that I'm avoiding private information here No pictures, no names, no real skeletons from my closet.
You think any of it can be used against me?

Have you ever been on Porcupine Tree's show?

[Гость]

I suppose you're not wanted by FBI so probably nothing to do against you But those who know you IRL may know about you more from these pages. Though, maybe that's not a secret at all.
Now I'll ask you probably a rude question - please don't get offended. I'm really curious. Don't you think it's kinda exhibitionism to publish stories about your amour adventures and like? You probably want people to read them. Those who read them are on the other shore of the river - they are voyerists. Kids are usually told it is bad to read others' letters

I have not. I get my ass off the chair only for very special events. But it will change soon. And I don't like this change.

[Queen_of_the_damned]

Well, maybe there is some truth about what you said about exhibitionism and voyeurism, I have to think about it more, I guess (after all, I'm reading people's blogs too). In some way it is fun: you are writing a diary but it's not the same one as on the paper because " the diary" can answer you. It's a good way of putting things and feelings and thoughts in my head in some kind of logical order. I even noticed that things don't exist until I'm writing them down.
Why would I differ my "amour adventures" from any other adventures? To be honest, I don't think that I'm giving too much personal information. No names, no juicy details. 99% of things that are really going on aren't told here at all.
Those who know me in real life and will read it... well, you are right, they may know more about me. But you are right again - those things aren't such a huge secret

Reading letters isn't the same as reading online blogs, don't you agree? Letters are only for those who suppose to read them. Online blogs are for anyone who was bored enough to enter and read.

... and I just can't stop myself from asking my question again: do I know you in real life? Just answer with "yes" or "no", that would be really nice. I'm tired of guessing who you may be, and I know for sure that you are in Israel. And I'm simply curious

p.s. I'm afraid to ask about those changes in your life, I really doubt that you will tell me the story.